The perfect mom

20 Mar

I was pondering this thought yesterday and today as I was talking to my friend about being a mom. We were both commenting on the fact we feel bad sometimes when we see other mom’s making Valentine’s day for example extra special and we are lucky if we get our kids a card. I think we compare ourselves to each other too much. We always have to one up someone else’s kid instead of being happy that their kid just hit a milestone and learn from that parent’s wisdom. We should be happy for each other instead of judging each other. Why do we do that? I think we critique each other because it makes us feel better and feel like a better mom when we see someone doing something wrong as a parent. We need to be cheering each other on whether we stay at home or work outside the home and be a support to each other. Other moms are the best support and person you could ever get information from. Let’s try to be there for each other instead of putting each other down. I also realized shortly after I had pookie, she is not the perfect child (no one is) and I am not a perfect mom. I make mistakes and I own up to them and try to do better the next time. We all have something we would like to do better or change but let’s glean from each other’s wisdom and really support one another.

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9 Responses to “The perfect mom”

  1. Nola March 20, 2008 at 4:47 pm #

    I think the “compare game” comes from our own insecurities. It may make us feel better in the short term, but I know I always remember it later and regret it, knowing it’s a reflection of my own insecurities.

    A wise person tells me regularly, “You don’t have to be the perfect parent, just a good-enough one.” In other words, to go for being perfect is not attainable and will only lead to feelings of incompetence and failure. Instead, realize that NO ONE is the perfect parent and then do the best you can do as a parent.

    Interesting issue. Thanks for sharing.

  2. holly March 20, 2008 at 4:52 pm #

    very well put. i am guilty of being the green-eyed monster with o/p/children. i should stop that. and although i agree that maybe queen of hearts (my daughter’s chosen screen name) isn’t perfect, she *is* a perfect queen of hearts. and that’s really all i care about. i am not a perfect mom, but i am a perfect *me*. ..

  3. Tara R. March 21, 2008 at 9:39 am #

    You are so right… we need to learn from each other and not get into some kind of “I’m better than you” contest…. our kids would certainly benefit from it.

  4. Avery March 21, 2008 at 10:38 am #

    Well said! I know I’ve fallen into that trap before, comparing my child to someone else’s.

    The only thing it accomplished is making me feel bad about my son’s lack of progress. He has auditory processing disorder, so he was late to talk, and has difficulty understanding people in noisy situations. Of course, we didn’t find that out until just recently, so I spent the better part of his life so far agonizing that I wasn’t as good of a mom as some of my friends. After all, their kids spoke at around a year. Mine was almost a year behind the curve.

    If I’d taken that time to just appreciate what a bright, happy child he is instead of obsessing over it, I could have saved us both a lot of heartache.

    I’ve also been the mom that has been talked about behind her back, so I know the flipside of that. We were asked to leave a playgroup because Ethan, at age 18 months, though not aggressive, was hard to control. Now, of course, I know it was because of his disorder, but back then, the other moms in the group assumed it was because I was too permissive with him. Rather than offer help or advice, we were ostracized. That was probably the lowest point in my life.

    I learned then that I didn’t want to be the sort of mom who would belittle another because, as you said, none of us are perfect. We’re all going to make mistakes. And if we learn from them and improve, our kids will be better off for it.

    Great post! And your page is just beautiful. Wish I knew how to make mine so nice. ;o)

  5. Jo Beaufoix March 22, 2008 at 7:01 am #

    Very true. We’re all in this together (not to sound too High School Musical and all that). Visiting from Holly’s. 😀

  6. Danielle March 22, 2008 at 3:26 pm #

    Here by way of Cre8Buzz…I could relate to this post. When my daughter was young a fellow ‘playdate’ mom and I started a business that gave workshops on ‘The Perfect Mother Myth’ ;)…now that our daughter’s are 13 we DEFINITELY have experienced the fact that perfection does not exist 😉

  7. amy jane April 4, 2008 at 9:29 am #

    I absolutely agree, we need to be cheering each other on. Parenting can be so full of stress, and second guessing ourselves only adds to the problem. I really enjoyed your post, as this has been an issue in my life as well.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Mommy Notes: The perfect mom « regeneration - March 20, 2008

    […] Notes: The perfect mom 20 03 2008 My wife did a good article called ‘the perfect mom’ the other day. It might be helpful for those mothers caught in the ’she’s a better […]

  2. links for 2008-03-21 « regeneration - March 20, 2008

    […] The perfect mom « Mommy Notes Good notes on mommyhood from a mommy. (tags: mommy mother mommyhood motherhood notes blog blogging blogger perfect perfection) […]

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