I caught the end of Oprah today. She had on Cheryl Hines, star of the new hit mommy show on ABC. She also had a top mommy blogger. All these women were saying the same things I had felt at one time but dare never say out loud except to my best girlfriends. It was a refreshing show.
There are days that you do not get a shower. I know that would have been gross to me a few years ago pre-kids but sometimes there is not time to get a shower. A mother’s job truly is 24-7. Even when my little angels are sleeping, I may be thinking of all that is going on. I may be worrying. I know I should not but some nights I am awake. I will go check on my precious ones every few hours. I just cannot sleep. I view motherhood like marriage in that no one tells you how hard it is. They only tell you the good parts.
Breastfeeding for example, the tv shows, books, friends all made it seem so simple. I beg to differ. Pookie latched on ok but then was not properly latched on so every 30 minutes she wanted to eat. I cried. I was bleeding and sore and could not stand this. It was supposed to be this beautiful bonding time. I hurt like hell and it was not beautiful! I was so exhausted and she developed jaundice. I was also dealing with post partum depression. I had the brilliant idea that I would pump. It took me 2 hours just to get 1/2 an ounce and I had a double medula pump. I ended up giving up. I felt so guilty that I had let my little girl down by not breastfeeding. When she could not tolerate the fomula, I felt even guiltier. The guilt we put ourselves through and each other is overwhelming sometimes. I had so many people say, “oh just do this or keep pressing on.” I think people should just but out sometimes. I was even more determined to breastfeed with Peanut. She latched on right away but then started not wanting me. She also developed severe jaundice so back on the bottle we go. I also had my four year old screaming every time I was trying to breastfeed. I fell asleep holding peanut trying to nurse and woke up with her screaming. I think the exhaustion is the worst. Trying to balance too is also hard. Peanut was an easy baby so she fit right in and things fell into place but those first few weeks are so difficult.
I think we are so afraid of scaring other new moms we don’t say anything but we need to step up and say, “it is hard but you’ll make it.” Encouragement is key.
Thank you Oprah for having this show. It made me feel better knowing there are other moms out there like me.